Jeff

It was a regular night in Seattle, with the usual chilly drizzle reminiscent of the Seattle Winter. I was feeling quite bored with the things that were going on in my life at this point. A crazy, overly emotional roommate. Bills were coming at a rate faster than usual. Luckily, this was a long weekend, Memorial Day they called it. There was an AIDS vigil near the college over the weekend. The roommate had stormed out of the house in a huff over something I didn't understand. He packed a suitcase this morning, and left, gratefully for the weekend.

Oh sure, I could have gone to a movie, or gone to play cards with a couple of friends. But I was feeling strangely alone, and didn't really want anyone to change that for me. At least right now.

I had watched a couple of movies on the television. Enjoyed the excitement of watching the crew of the Enterprise get in and out of the tragedy of a planet that didn't believe in sex. Eeeeek, what a scary thought. I continued to watch the tube, and decided during one of the inevitable reruns, Blanche, Rose, and of course that lovable Dorothy. This is one that I had not see indeed. Dorothy finds out that her more than perfect brother is gay. If that wasn't a shocker. It happens to the best of us I suppose. After reviewing the possibilities for entertainment from that electronic box I decided that it would be a good idea to head out the bar. After all it had been nearly three months since I wandered out to see what was out there.

I took a quick shower and got dressed fairly nicely, but comfortably. I wandered through the streets watching the variously attired pedestrians, with the multicolored hair, and dressed in black, to the old man reeking of alcohol.

"I can just go out and look around. I won't stay long." I thought to myself, as I walked up Pine street to the ever popular Neighbours. I walked in the door and immediately noticed the changes, with the neon lighting, and the change of the entrance altogether. I paid the man behind the window my dollar for the ticket, and said hello to the doorman as he stamped it with the invisible florscent stamp.

I headed into the bar. The place had a few changes. There were pretty notable, and look fairly nice that night. There was the ever present thump, thump, thump in pleasingly rhythmic way from the speakers. There were a small number of people already in the bar, most of them soaking their gills in the alcohol. I went up the to the bar and grabbed a Raspberry Seltzer, and situationed myself so I could watch the influx of men.

It was kind of nice to be able to just stand there and watch the coming and going. There was one man who I noticed standing off to the side, gently smiling and slowly drinking a coke. He was tall, probably around six foot two or three, well proportioned, wearing a shirt with vertical light blue strips, acid washed jeans, and grey cowboy boots. He was standing next to some and chatting with him occasionally.

I watched him for a short time, and later on as I wander around the bar a couple of times, I could see that when I stopped he had moved so he was in full view of me each time. I didn't make an attempt to talk to him, or approach him,

since I was just ther to look around, and get out of the house.

After finishing the Seltzer, I decided to go in the newest bar on the hill, the Balcony. So I wandered over there, and was expecting a fairly decent crowd, but the place wasn't that filled. There was decent music, and a large chain link fence surrounding the balcony that went around the entire bar. I ordered a Berry Calistoga and wandered around a bit, and settled in on the the corner tables on the balcony, where I could watch the people walking up and down the street, and watch the goings on below.

I decided to smoke a cigarette, and was sitting there listing to the music, when I noticed the same man walking up the stairs. He wandered around the bar and looked, and didn't really notice anyone. When he was walking back towards me, and glancing at the posters and prints along the wall he glanced at me occasionally. He finally settled down at the table just in front of me by the window. He was facing towards the middle of the bar, offering his profile.

I had a chance to watch him and study him a bit more. He had dark brown hair, and deep innocent looking eyes that held a secret of intelligence. I could tell also in the light that his skin was soft and healthy. My thoughts began to wander to the various fantasies about me and him, having wild passionate sex.

I must have been staring, when he turned around, "Hi," and smiled. "Oh, Hi," I said meekly, not really sure what to say after that I quickly averted by eyes outside the window. I would glance over at him, still thinking deeply of what it would be like to be enveloped in the warmth of his strong arms, snuggled closely to his firm body. I would fantisize further, but he would occasionally glance over at me, stopping the thoughts that I had. He had a warm, and inviting smile, and I would smile back at him. After a short time, "See ya later" and he got up and headed out of the bar.

I kicked myself for not starting a conversation with him. I guess it was feeling unworthy. I sat and smoked another cigarette and quickly drained the Calistoga.

I wandered back to Neighbours. There were some cute men wandering around the streets on their way into and out of the bar, but I didn't really notice them, I was still remembering the vision of the man in the cowboy boots. The strong lines his ass and legs had, thinking - fantasizing about the possibilities.

I walked into the bar and looked around. There was a plethora of men running around in various forms of dress, from the tight leaving nothing to the imagination spandex, to baggy light wool pants. There were men wearing sweaters, tank tops, or no shirt at all glistening with their sweat from dancing out on the already crowded dance floor. The bar was filling steadily, with people. People who were smiling and laughing with friends. People who were quietly sitting by themselves, with no life behind their eyes, just there, searching, maybe like I was, for that special someone to make like more bearable.



I went to the bar and talked to a friend that works there and ordered a Cranberry Calistoga and situated myself the best way I could next to a tall slim man. He had sharp brown eyes, and smooth skin with high cheek bones. I noticed that his hair long and well kept. He seemed to be just watching, and quite content slowly sipping on his beer. He was dressed in a black and white sweater, and seemed fairly content with his surroudings. He turned once, saying nothing, and behind the brown of his eyes there seemed to be thought and a slight sparkle. I considered chatting with him, but such a hard thing to do when you are standing immersed in rythmic bursts of sound.

I continued to quiet stand there, not really recognizing anyone in the bar, which was fine with me. Since I did go just to watch. I was looking around and again the man with the blue striped shirt came into view again, only a short distance away. I continued to look at him occasionally, still harboring thoughts of how warm his body would feel next to mine.

I noticed that when he would go out the dance floor, usually by himself, that the friend he was with would send those possessive looks across towards me. That look, "Stay away from him. He's mine. He doesn't know it and would never consider it, but he mine. Keep your fucking hands off!" I have seen it before, and I certainly have given it to a number of people when I have been out with my lover, or even a friend that I was sexually attracted to, but didn't have the guts to tell him, afraid of losing or tainting the friendship with needless problems.

I watched him dance. He was quite good at his dancing and seem to just dance fairly naturally, relaxed, and would glance occasionally over at me, catching my eye, and would smile in an inviting way.

I still didn't act on any of the eye contact, and some of the signals that he would give me, by eye contact, smiling, looking at me, when it would have been easier to watch where he was going. Those types of signals. I would have acted upon it, but I am never sure about the art of cruising, and rejection is something that I like to avoid. I still think that it is easier to cut the small talk, and say what is on my mind, but "Let's go fuck" just doesn't work anymore, at least not for me.

I wandered around the bar. In a way searching for someone that I could talk to, but there was really no one there that I knew. It is true, when you don't go to the bars very often, that when you go back everyone is a stranger to you. Strange, I used to know alot of those people, but not today. Which is fine with me.

I got another Calistoga and headed into the glass enclosed upstairs of the bar. The music level was more tolerable, and there was plenty of seating there. I sat down in one of the booths next to the window overlooking the dance floor. Two reasons actually, I could sit down and have a quiet cigarette without the nasty glancing of the nonsmoker that I always seem to be standing by in crowded situations, and to watch the man, that had slowly creeped into my mind with fantasies.



He started to wander around and would disappear occasionally. I just sat and listened to the music, smoked a couple of cigarettes, and watched the various gyrating bodies on the dance floor, smiling, laughing, and some falling down, how festive. I was deeply engrossed in watching the crowd, not paying that much attention to the two queens talking about the importance of thier jobs over the others, and their mother's heartstopping reaction to the scene in the bar.

I was beginning to get bored with the place, when "Hi, do you mind if I sit with you?" It was the man, the MAN, I had been watching and fantasizing about all nite! "Sure, I don't mind, I was just thinking about heading home," replying probably looking real nervous, afraid he could tell what I was fantasizing about. "Oh, don't leave yet," he pleaded, seating himself across the awkwardly shaped table for the booth, "I have been trying to work up the courage to come over and talk to you."

"You? The man that I have been thinking, fantasizing, dreaming about all night working up the courage?" I thought to myself.

"Do I look like I bite or something?" I replied to him, easing a cigarette out to calm my already shaking nerves. "No, if I ask you to I hope so." he chided. We laughed about that one. "Okay, that is a deal. What is your name? Might as well start somewhere." I enquired reaching my hand out to him, "My name is Bob." "Name's Jeff. Good to meet you. Can I ask you some questions?" he implored taking my hand into his warm, smooth strong hand.

"Sure, you can ask me anything you want to, I don't have any secrets."

We started to talk the small talk that goes with meeting someone in the bar. Covered the where are you froms, the what do you dos, what do you like to dos, the maritial statuses, all the usual questions. During the conversation we wondered down together to grab some of the tasty, or somewhat tasty goodies from the "buffet" that Neighbours has every Friday and Saturday.

While we were talking and nibbling on the food, I discovered that not only was his name Jeff, but he worked as a Grocery Clerk, liked to read, watch movies, hike and so many other things. We continue to explore each other's lives with more and more questions and answers. We had sat there oblivious to the various people wandering around, ordered a drink from one of the "bar maids". It was nearing one o'clock when I we got to the point of wanting to leave with each other for a night of bliss and fun.

"Look, it's getting late, and I was only to come out for about an hour or two." I said looking at my watch. He quickly reached out and placed his warm hands on my arm, "I would like to continue talking to you, do you mind me coming along with you?" "Sure, the roomie is gone this weekend, so there won't be any interruptions."

We got up and headed out of the bar, "Oh I had better tell my friend that I am leaving." He didn't get far because his friend was right on our heels. They faded back a bit, and

talked for a few minutes. It seemed that his friend didn't quite appreciate me taking his Jeff away, oooops. I got the "How dare you, you heathen, home wrecking slut!" look as Jeff walked away from his friend.

Jeff approached me after his chat with his friend. When he got to me, I remarked, "He didn't seem too pleased that you were leaving with me. Do you think he will get over it?" "Sure, he is always possessive that way. We're just friends, but he seems to think that has some sort of ownership properties. I like him though, he has been a good friend."

It was raining of course, and we walked towards my apartment. RPlace was still open so I mentioned that a cup of hot cocoa would be nice, and Jeff readily agreed. We sat at one of the tables, getting a few stares from the crowd in the bar, but we settled in one of the booths against the wall and talked some more. "I have to admit something to you Jeff. I am stalling taking you home, nothing against you, just nervous about being with you." He took me into his arms and kissed me passionately there in the booth, and pulled away for a moment and looked at me "I want to be with you, not anyone else, with you. Does that help you with some of your fear?" He kissed me gently passionately again, caressing me firmly with his arms and hands.

We finished out Cocoa and chatted a bit more, sitting closely to each other. I ran my hands up and down his leg, which he obligingly flexed occasionally to give me an idea of the solidness of his body. It felt good to be close to a warm man again, talking and sharing some time together.

We got to my apartment sometime after the last call at RPlace. We walked in and he commented on the apartment, and the usual questions about the computer, and all of that. We sat and talked for nearly three hours after we got here, the television churning out old, and bad movies throughout the night, neither of us really noticing the action, entwined in the conversation, the hugging, and holding that we were engaging in. We had slowly been undressing each other, slowly taking the clothes off, placing them neatly on the couch.

He had a wonderful body, it was nicely defined, and smooth, and very warm. The warmth of someone that radiates alot of heat. It was nice to see such a man of beauty, and he was enjoying my attention, and company as much, as we chatted together, in soft tones, exploring each others bodies with our hands, and our tongues.

We moved into the bedroom and curled up into each other's arms and slept soundly after stroking, and licking. We didn't engage in sex, just the petting, and once we got into a comfortable positions of spoons, him wrapped gently and warmly around me I slept soundly and safely with him.

This morning I woke up to find him leaning on his shoulder watching me sleep. We got up and he pulled me into the shower. We were enjoying the hot water splashing on each other's bodies, and gently soaping each other's bodies, exploring each other from a different perspective. He lathered me up with soap, as I lathered him with the soap. He scrubbed my back with those strong hands gently massaging

the already relaxed muscles, and he began to nuzzle his lips into the side of my neck from the behind. We stroked and petted each other in the shower the clean smell of men permeating the bathroom. We did have safe sex in the shower, and I certainly enjoyed it.

It wasn't like the sleezebag flicks, get wet, stroke twice, and groans of fucking, it was gentle deliberate caressing, stroking, and sharing. It was one of the best times that I had spent with another man. Loving, sharing, and memorable, so I don't really feel like being too explicative here, but it was something that was marvelously memorable.

We said good bye this morning after going out to breakfast, and didn't set up a time to see each other again. I may see and taste of this man once again, I do not know, all I do know is...if I never share with this man again, I will not forget, and isn't that what good life is for?